New Years Eve

I don't like New Years Eve.  There, I said it out loud for the first time ever.  Sure, I've had some good times on New Years Eve before, but in general I get an internal case of the melancholy blahs that I can't shake.  I don't share this with people.  Maybe if I did, it wouldn't weigh me down so much.  That is my hope in writing this blog.

You see, for me New Years Eve brings with it a recap of what has changed in my life and what has been lost.  It also brings fear of the unknown as I stand on the brink of another year.  Really New Years Eve is just another day, but everyone seems to give it so much credence that I can't pretend it doesn't exist.  It activates my anxiety condition and makes me sad, even if I don't have anything to be particularly sad about.

When I look back over 2013, I see:

• My divorce was finalized 
• I started a new Facebook page (and occasional blog) that gives me a great outlet for my thoughts
• My parents lost their beloved cat
• I got a new boss and my place of employment is undergoing major changes in leadership
• My kids turned 7 and 5, which I am convinced are the best ages so far
• I lost a good friendship because I tried to approach a tender subject and didn't have much luck
• I took three trips by myself
• I got sick, a lot
• My parents continued to age
• I have a wonderful support network of people who care about me and my kids
• My relationship with my ex is positive

2013 was a mixed bag, as each year tends to be.  Many of the things in this list are positive things.  But, looking backwards, even at the positive, makes me feel the loss of time, and I don't like that very much.

I can't say that I am particularly looking forward to 2014.  You see, now that my divorce is final, this will be the year that the ex moves out and we will have to tell the kids and help them adjust.  I have no reason to believe that this will not go smoothly, but still I worry.  I worry about my kids adjusting.  I worry about me adjusting.  I don't want my marriage back, you see, I just haven't gotten my sea legs as a single person because the ex still lives here.  I worry about the finances.  We will no longer be a 2 income household.

I am concerned about the changes coming with the Obamacare that is set to take effect.  Just before Christmas, my employer found out that there would be massive new fees starting in January because we have such great health care coverage.  I am worried about losing the phenomenal doctors and/or paying much more for health care.

I am concerned about keeping my friendships intact and making new friends.  Seems silly, as I have some of the very best friends a girl could ever want, but I guess losing one in 2013 makes me wary.  Maybe I will get that one back in 2014.  I can hope.

I am concerned about the new leadership that will be coming later in 2014 at my place of employment.  I am optimistic that it will be positive, as the previous leadership was not, and everyone is more than ready for a refreshing change.  But, it is an unknown.  Therefore, a bit scary.

I am concerned that my ex will be unable to continue in his current employment.  There have been some indicators in 2013 that his employer may or may not make some changes.  He is a teacher.  The job market for teachers is hard.  Really hard.  If this job goes away, it will be huge for all of us.

I realize that each person has their struggles and their triumphs and that mine are no greater or less.  But, I do think writing it out has been cathartic, which was my initial hope in putting this down in words.  Thanks for reading, and for supporting Ms. Snippy Bloomers.